Summer 2014 August 22 Friday (Anticipation)

82 degrees this morning.  Summer finally arrives in late August!  Walk 54:57 minutes this morning, biked about 30 minutes yesterday.  No earthquakes  today (at least none showing up on my app.)  My bike ride has been shorter since there appears to be a problem with the tire or chain, or maybe a problem with my legs not in shape yet!

Bike ride has changed a little with the arrival of the school buses (school is just starting here) and the crowds of children either standing on the corner or slowing making their way to the bus stop.  

Tomorrow will mark two months since our move.  Even though we have gone back on a fairly frequent basis and greatly enjoy our visits with friends (during these visits it is almost like we haven’t moved, it is kind of a shock when we end our visit and realize it is not a regular event anymore, which I guess makes it even more treasured), it is almost like we have never lived there.  

In a sense, we have never lived in Lakeland as it exists today, and I’m not sure we would want to, since it is basically changing to a “non-city”, where the general concept seems to be to provide as few public services as possible and make it a city that is primarily “business friendly” at the expense of the residents.  

I felt the same separation last November when I was no longer working for the City.  After a week or so, it was like I have never worked there, on a psychological basis.  

I remember the story about President Reagan, when we was in the last stages of his illness.  He saw a replica of the White House and looked at it and said “I used to have something to do with that”.  I always thought that was sad, and I was surprised at how fast I felt the same psychological separation.  

It kind of goes back to my favorite saying “The World Without End is Ending”.  The world of employment, a residence continues until it is over, and then it is over.  

Kind of like the cartoon in the paper I saw recently.  The family is moving and the little boy looks around the house and says “this used to be our house but now it is just a house”.  

After receiving my newspapers at the “normal time” all week,(around 3:30 a.m., or at least they are here when I complete my walk), the newspapers are “late” today (probably will be here at 6 a.m.).  I really wish they would not deliver them early, if they aren’t going to do it all the time, it just ruins my routine.  

Of course, as a friend recently a advised me, all I need to do is just read the paper when it is a day old, that way I would always have it when I wanted it and I would have my routine!  It actually makes sense, but somehow I have to read the paper as soon as it arrives or it is like “what’s the use!”.  

Kind of like mail, I have always loved to receive the mail.  Evan as a child, I can remember walking down to the mailbox and waiting for the mail, even when I didn’t expect anything and my disappointment (that I still feel today) when I don’t get anything!  I am a regular checker of e-mail, it is like getting mail on a 24 hour basis.

Kali (my granddaughter) is going to a concert with a friend this weekend.  They are staying overnight in another City.  It is one fo the first stages of her establishing her own life and probably one of her first adventures from her parents.  She saved her own money for the trip and has been anticipating this since early in the year.  I hope it is everything she anticipates.  It is wonderful when it is, a learning experience when you realize that anticipation is frequently 90% of the fun.

i think that is why I enjoyed China so much.  I anticipated the trip for about 5 months and it was everything I anticipated and more, in fact, much more.  It was not a matter of anticipating something and suddenly it is over and you wonder what you really anticipated.  

That’s it for today, Friday, August 22, 2014.

Winter 2014 January 2 Thursday

48 degrees this morning, but rain and high (for out her) winds.  Didn't walk or cycle outside, just did the stationary bike at ATC Fitness.  I really like ATC Fitness since it is literally never closed (open 24 hours/7 days per week), seems relatively safe and clean and is maintained well.

X+1-i first heard this when a speaker said the the early test pilots (and some military pilots) had a joke about how many times you could break the rules (flying to the limit) without getting caught or crashing.   X is the number of times you do it, +1 is for when you get caught or crash!  

I really liked the general concept of describing any type of actions, not necessarily breaking the rules, but just to describe that moment or time when the variable "+1" comes into effect.  There is a lot of ways to look at it.  I guess you could even say it is the formula for when you are going to die or how long you will be employed, as well as a formula for how many times you can test the limits of an airplane.  

I discussed it throughly with a friend of mine at the time and we had a lot of fun and thoughtful discussions about the concept, as well as the concept of "The World Without End is Ending'.  Of course it could be positive also, the formula for success of the KFC Colonel Sanders in selling his formula for cooking chicken (if I recall correctly, he lived out of his car and was rejected over a thousand times before he actually sold it and later became successful), or maybe how many resumes you have to send out before you get a job.

The concept of "the World Without End is Ending" became "...has ended' in 2013.  Of course, it actually ended on September 19.  i guess if you really think about it, there is an overall "World" and a bunch of "mini-Worlds", with the overall World being your life. 

Maybe better not to to read too much into "X+1" or "The World Without End is Ending", although it is fun to discuss it and think about it. 

Miserable looking day  today.  Only good thing, it's not cold enough for freezing rain or snow.  Of course, even the best day can have it's bright spots!

Starting the dreaded process of "weeding" books, papers etc. 

Summer 2013 September 15

58/61 degrees.  Brisk walk and bike ride this morning!  

Set up my "Chromecast" yesterday. Impressive, if more limited that the Apple tv device.

Had some time yesterday to study the book "The Willpower Instinct".  Reviewed the first chapter.  Not to bore anyone, but I learn when I try to explain (Maybe I need to set up a new blog for this).  Basically he went into Willpower Challenges of "I will" (something you want to do more of or stop putting off) "I won't" ((What like to give up, a "sticky" habit) and I want (what I wants are distracting you from long term, more valuable "I wants".   Willpower is the ability to use the three (I will, I want, I won't) powers to get what you really want.

To paraphrase we have two "selves", the self that acts on impulse for immediate gratification and the self that controls our impulses and delays gratification for long term goals.  They are both us, but switch back and forth.  Neither is bad in and of itself, in fact without desires we become depressed and without fear, we'd fall to protect ourselves.

First Rule of Willpower:  KNOW YOURSELF!-Develop self-awareness as the first step to willpower. BE AWARE YOU ARE MAKING A DECISION! Making a decision while distracted and not being aware of the decision may lead to an impulsive decision and thus not the best decision.  

--Action to take:  Try to be aware of decisions and when I am giving into impulses.  Don't try to control, just be aware. Awareness of the impulse and the awareness I can control my behavior if I wished is the first step.

Techniques for willpower:  

-Breath focus/Meditation:  Sit still, feed on ground.  As far as fidgeting, other thoughts, "See if you can feel the urge but not follow it-learning to automatically not follow such impulses your body and brain produces!

-Become aware of breathing, say "inhale and exhale" , if notice mind wandering, bring it back to the breathe. 

-Notice how it feels to breathe and notice how the mind wanders.  Drop the labels "inhale and exhale" and focus on the feeling of breathing .  

-Start with a few minutes a day.

Enough for today of that!

Relatively relaxing weekend so far.  Caught up on some work, some reading etc.

Last poem from "The World Without End is Ending" is "Dreams of Youth".  Again, I don't recall the purpose of this poem, probably descriptive again.

I am pleased to not that, approximately 20 years after writing this poem, I do not experience many, if any of the feelings other that "Old Age is like a never present tomorrow".  I define "old age" as a lot older than I did then!  

DREAMS OF YOUTH

Living in the present

Life,

A never ending song

Of highs and lows

 Old age

A foreign place

Never to be visited

Like a never present tomorrow

Hearing the sweet songs of Spring

Dissolve into

The sour dirge of Winter

 Visual fading

As the years

Stain the colors of

Dreams unfulfilled

Like a sunset, swallowed by the dark

Touching

The rough dry form

Of the wrinkled replica of life

The roughness of the years

Like hardened bark on a tree

Tasting the myth

Of sour

Shattered success

And bitter

Tattered dreams

 Hearing the cheers of youth

Turn to the jeers of

Retrospective thoughts

 The redundant musty odor

Of wasted time and opportunities

Like the muddy river, never

To be the ocean

Like firewood

Consumed by the flames

Of today

The years  dissolve

Into fragile memories

Of the ashes of life

Summer 2013 September 12

76/77 degrees.  Summer is definitely on the wane.  One week since dental surgery (September 5) and I still have numbness in my mouth, occasional pain and aching etc.  Not bad, but more than I expected.  

I did resume bicycling this morning, which made me feel good.  I missed it.  I did taper the amount down some, eliminated the last "victory lap" through the neighborhood.  While the stationary bike probably doesn't do a lot, it does provide me a chance to do something while I read my daily papers!

Drove to Jackson yesterday.  I don't think I really realize or appreciate being in the "MidSouth" until I drive outside the City.  I actually really appreciate Memphis and love Lakeland, both for what they are.  Different, thank goodness, but it doesn't mean I don't appreciate the wonders of Memphis.  Every time I drive over the Mississippi I think about rafting down the Mississippi.  Not that I have any visions of me doing it or any desire to, but I enjoy thinking that that is where Huck Finn (or Tom Sawyer, I never could keep it straight) went rafting.  The history of this area is just wonderful.  

Anyway driving to Jackson on the Interstate doesn't really let me appreciate the Tennessee countryside.  Some day, I am going to drive the back roads.  Also I have been here 12 years and haven't been to Shiloh, which is only about 40 miles.  I keep waiting for that perfect time.  We see so much when we have visitors and want to show them the "sights" we haven't seen ourselves!  My brother-in-law and his wife are coming for  visit, so we will probably see some of the sights next week at we show them around!

Hope today slows down some, I have a lot of things to get done!  Sounds kind of weird, but it's true.

The poem today from "The World Without End is Ending" is "Daybreak".  Again, I'm not sure of the academic purpose of this.  I guess the years do matter.  It has been a long time since I got up at 6:50 a.m., except from a nap!  I actually wake up a lot more alert also.

DAYBREAK

 Yellow light,

Fractured by the shades

Filters into the room

6:50 a.m.

 Sleep collapses into shrilling alarm

With silky voices

 Into reflection

Of plastic answers

Brain foggy

 Dark emotions

Dreams, now

Exposed to light

 New decisions

The new day

Hits my face

Like cold water

 Day breaks

Into the glass of light

 Cold water

Hits my face

 New day

New Decisions

Summer 2013 September 11

76/79 degrees this morning.  Walked and weights, but didn't cycle again.  I have a meeting in Jackson, so I have to leave early, so I decided not to push it.  Hopefully will get started back tomorrow.

Obviously,  remember September 11, 2001, as well as April 19, 1995.  Almost like you can't believe it's happening, but you know it is.  I have a hard time believing has been 12 years since the Twin Towers and almost 19 years since Oklahoma City.  I was in Oklahoma City when on April 19 and the weeks and months after so I saw the continued impact of the destruction and all it entails.

I think that is something I always try to remember is the "long tail" of any action, the effects of an act you can't predict and how it affects you in a myriad of ways that you did't expect and frequently didn't want.  

The saying "First, do no harm" is perhaps a good start to actions.

It has been in incredibility  busy  two days (Monday and Tuesday).  Hopefully get some relief to day and get some time to get some things done that I have to get done.  

I am taking a class this morning to get some of the required hours for the "Certified Municipal Finance Officer" (CMFO) training.  A super program, it includes 11 full days of instruction with a test over the material for each day (that is 11 days over the period of a year, not straight through).  It requires 24 hours of "continuing education" training  each year, which is good.  

Unfortunately,  the opportunity to get hours isn't as good in West Tennessee (which I found is frequently the neglected part of Tennessee) as in other areas of Tennessee so I have to take every opportunity to obtain the certification hours.  

A short thunderstorm yesterday afternoon shut down the City e-mail and phone service.  You forget how important it is until you don't have it

Poem today from "The World Without End is Ending" is " Winter Sundays", probably written as a special assignment, I'm not sure what.  The first part refers to my Father, who grew up in an orphanage that would probably be considered child abuse in today's world.  He saw his sister about once a year and got an orange once a year at Christmas.  Reading on the orphanage in later years, I expect he was telling the truth and probably not telling us some other events that would have stunned us.  He worked his way through collage, which I think the "shoveling coal" probably refers to.  

I doubt that this ever actually happened, except he did listen to WIBW , Topeka pubic radio and "Music of the Masters" on Sunday while (I assume) he took a nap, maybe he was only meditating.  Actually I enjoy classical music and did even as a child.

I have always been entranced by fiddle and violin music.  My Mom told me once, even as a child, when I heard a violin or fiddle, I would stop everything and listen to the violin or fiddle music.  

WINTER SUNDAYS

 Sundays, my Father

Walked briskly in the early morning cold

Heels crunching on the frozen grass

And describing his early life of

Shoveling coal for little pay

Oranges only at Christmas

Life without electricity, running water

And money, while I

 Walked with him

And dreamed of a future

Of thundering red Corvettes

Travel to beaches and mountains

And plenty of money

 Sunday afternoons

He listened to classical music

During his after dinner nap

Dreaming of the good old days while

I listened to the Orange Blossom Special

And the Black Mountain Rag

Captured crooks

With the Hardy Boys

And dreamed of fiddling

With Bob Willis and the Texas Playboys

Dilemmas

In the magical kingdom

Of life

Summer 2013 September 10

76/79 degrees.  Seems cool.  Just walked and lifted weights this morning, no cycle yet.  6th day since dental surgery.  Still bothers me, actually hurts worse this morning than before.  Apparently effects of swelling etc.  Just not ready to cycle yet.  

Extremely busy day yesterday, just really feel time limited to say the least.  Still limited in what I eat (obviously I chew on the right side of my mouth, but carrots and apples are still a hard sell to eat right now!).  

Birds out out again this morning, but a different type of bird, not the "cawing' bird.  Heard the cicadas last night, the sound always brings back my childhood when they were abundant.  The sound doesn't bother me in fact I kind of like it (like tree frogs).  

A number of meetings this week.  While I realize they are necessary, they take up a lot of time.  

Kali and Katherine are into school again.  I remember when I was their age, I always silently wish them well.  It is difficult and each person has to live it herself.

Summer is ending soon.  Life cycles fast.  I know that everyone has to change, it is a necessary process, but... 

The Apple announcement is today.  I always look forward to what they are going to present, hopefully a "surprise" this year!  I jumped from an iPhone 3 to an iPhone 5 (I really like the iPhone 5), so I am unlikely to upgrade to just an enhanced iPhone 5s very soon.  I have learned to check the "product cycle" since it seems I tend to purchase something just as it becomes obsolete by the next cycle.  (Purchased my first iMac, just before the change to the intel chip etc.) Anyway, that has made me very cautious  about buying Apple products that have been around for awhile.  

My poem today, from "The World Without End is Ending" is "Celebration".  Again, I was in a Poetry class where each poem was aimed at a certain objective.  I don't know what the objective was on this one, but I enjoyed writing it.  some of my favorite things are in there, coffee, the mail (now e-mail!), lifting weights (I used to do it at noon, which was a wonderful break in the day, not I do it early morning), cherry pie and twilight.  

CELEBRATION

I celebrate

The first jolting cup of hot black coffee

Lake a blade cutting through the fading dreams

I celebrate the ritual of 

Lifting weights of iron

In the middle of daily chaos

 I celebrate the surprise phone calls

The morning mail,

A letter or card arriving

Like a sudden unexpected gift

I celebrate the cherry pie

Delightfully red and sweet

A marvel of perfection

Amid the routine of ordinary

I celebrate the twilight

And all stars defending the settling

Of darkness

Summer 2013 September 9

79/82 degrees this morning.  Oddly enough, it almost feel cool.  Daylight is getting much shorter, still (at 6:40 a.m.) almost too dark to sit on the patio this morning.  

Day 5 after dental surgery.  Not doing as well as I expected, to be honest.  Still feel a lot of discomfort, which is ok and somewhat expected, but I didn't expect my mouth to still be numb.  A little concerned and will call the dentist.

Haven't exercised much since the surgery (I'm concerned about cracking the scab and bleeding starting again), but I still lost almost 4 lbs, I guess because eating is uncomfortable and I don't really feel like eating.  However, I hadn't noticed that I ate any less.  I'll take it anyway of course!  Hope to get back to my bike riding soon.  

Felt better yesterday than Saturday.  Caught up on some work, did some reading etc. 

Out on the patio now, and it still seems relatively cool.  I'm sure that will change as the day goes on.  

Still listening to "The Willpower Instinct"  (I received my copy of the book), and this morning was a discussion on how reminding yourself NOT to do something may just help you do it.  Rather than trying not to think about not doing something (such as over eating), the author suggests you "surf" the matter and accept the fact you will have thoughts about it and don't (at least subconsciously) that you are a bad person that you can't not think about it.  Obviously the book explains it a lot better than I do!  

I learn by explaining something so I may try to explain one small thought each day!  

My poem today from "The World Without End is Ending" is "Melancholy".  I'm not quite sure why I wrote this, I"m sure it was an assignment.  In a way I like it, but I also am a little disturbed by an attitude of distrust or anger at a certain segment of society, since I don't feel like anyone is defined by their stereotype.  Perhaps I'll think about this a little, which is one reason for poetry in the first place.

MELANCHOLY

 Nothing blossoms

 I stare

Half in malice

At their accurate lives

Proper style, proper language

 Their ignorant elegance

In the formal accents

 A little madness

A southern drawl

 Trendy slang nonsense is rewarded

 The language alters

Sweet notes

Of sufficient length

Proper words, proper grammar

 Visual repetition of an earlier era

But the moment is gone

 No rewards

The sky is still cloudless

 And the uncomfortable sound

of the ordinary note

 and the endless silence

Of a missing song

Continues

Summer 2013 September 8

74/76 degrees this morning, coolish morning.  Still comfortable on the patio, but on the edge

4th day after dental surgery.  I have to say I am not feeling as well as I expected to by now.  Now sure what it is, it isn't the teeth extraction as much as it is the jaw area they took the bone graft from.  Feeling like I can't open my mouth much and like part of my jaw is still numb.  Overall, a feeling of tiredness and listlessness that I almost never feel.  Hard to get started even though I have a  wealth of items to do and catch up on.  Hard to eat, although that isn't really a problem.  At first I though maybe it was caffeine  withdrawal, since I haven't drink near as much coffee as I normally do.  Could just be the side effects of surgery.  Mouth and jaw area where the bone was grafted is very sore.

Other than that, yesterday and this morning were good days.  I take my nap with an icepack on my face and I have to be careful of yawning or my mouth hurts.  I am  concerned about opening the scab so the cut area starts bleeding again.

Just walked this morning, didn't cycle since I didn't want to hurt my mouth any.  Listening to "The Willpower Instinct" during walk.  Really good thoughts about how we assume our "future selves" will have more time and energy in the future etc.  Also, mentioned what I all the "broken window" theory, in that small crimes encourage bigger crimes.  The theory in "The Willpower Instinct" is that small breaches of willpower, rules etc is catching.  For example, she notes that if someone chains their bicycle to a "no bicycle sign", people are not only more likely to chain their bicycles in violation of the sign, they also are more likely to litter, trespass etc.  She also mentioned that motorist speeding could "give us permission" to eat badly, not quit smoking etc!  It is really a great book.

My poem today from the "World Without End is Ending" is actually a  poem written to a specific form, the "Haiku", so that is it's title.  It is about my favorite subject, the seasons and how fast they pass.

HAIKU

 Spring dissolves into

dusty dry red pictures

of ordinary death

 winter arrives as

a glittering and guilty

victim of summer

 patterns of green lurk

in trees, visual systems

of an early spring

 birds, brightly colored

trill songs, desperate homage

to slumbering sun

Summer 2013 September 7, 2013

71/73 degrees this morning.  Relatively cool.  Third day after dental surgery (for implant). Jaw still feels somewhat numb, oddly enough.  Most uncomfortable where the bone was grafted from for the tooth to be implanted (or teeth, since there are two of them).  I am surprised at how many people I know that have had or going through the implant procedure.  I have quit taking any pain medicine, but am still taking antibiotics.  Still have difficulty eating, especially anything but "soft" food, but that is ok for right now.

E-mails really piled up while I was out of the office, in spite of the fact I tried to keep up at home.  I don't think I ever fully realize just how much time it takes to read and respond to an e-mail.  

Birds are noisily this morning for some reason.  Maybe they are seeing the snake I saw the other morning, or maybe it is a cat playing with them.  The birds are making a "cawing" noise, a lot of them. 

The poem today, from "The World Without End is Ending" is "My Day of Gray".  This is probably one of my more favorite of the poems.  While it illustrates a day at the office, when I read it, I am reminded of when I was in the first to fourth grade in a Country, old fashioned one-room school that actually had one teacher (Miss Porterfield) who taught all eight grades.  I remember looking out the windows of the school onto a beautiful scene day after day of trees and grass.  It was wonderful.  I'm not sure where the idea for the "blue buffalo" came.

MY DAY OF GRAY

Blue Buffalo scatter in the green grass

Outside my window

 Brightening an otherwise cloudy gray day

 While I,

 Hearing the sound of duty

 Eventually

 Return to

 Reading the dry reports

 Yellowing on my desk

Summer 2013 September 6

70/73 degrees.  Didn't exercise, although I took a short walk.  Feeling ok from dental surgery yesterday morning, just didn't want to push it.  Face is swollen (probably didn't use ice pack enough), still a little sore, but overall feel like it is ok.  Still bleeding a little.  Trying to take it easy.  It will feel good to be able to brush my teeth again!

While I rarely eat/drink/slurp strawberry shakes, it is my favorite food (well, maybe next to peanut butter!).  (For obvious reasons I don't eat much of them.)  Yesterday, since I was on a liquid diet, I had three!)

Overall surgery went well.  Got there early, given laughing gas, than a sedative, so I don't really recall any of it, thank goodness.  Worst part was the anticipation, although once I went in, I didn't really need to do anything.  

We saw a small snake on the patio yesterday.  I didn't see the little frog that hangs out on the patio, so I assumed the worst, but I saw the little frog this morning, so I guess all is well, assuming it is the same frog.  The snake was so small, I'm not sure it eat even a small frog, so maybe it is an insect eating snake.

I remember on the farm where I was growing up, we would see snakes that had eaten a big bird or an egg or other small creature, and the big bulge would gradually go down the snake.  I'm not sure how it works that a snake can do that .  

My poem today from "The World Without End is Ending" is "What the Quilt Knows".  Looking at it today, I assume I was thinking of all of those beautiful quilts I have seen through my life and what a quilt has seen and heard over the years while maintaining a quiet dignity and sense of respect, regardless of what was going on.

WHAT THE QUILT KNOWS

 With its

Red, white and blue squares

Solid and respectable

 Pink spirals

Crawling

Toward black borders

Intent on irrelevance

White spheres

Besmirched by

The years

Visual vanities

Crafted

Out of colors of the psyche

 Knowingly wrapping itself

In the starched propriety of

Respectability

Summer 2013 September 5

68/73 degrees today.  Coolish.  No walk or cycle etc, on "fasting" diet (no food or water) due to dental surgery this morning.  Obviously not looking forward to it, but will be glad to get it over.  

The surgery is for two "tooth implants" I am having to replace a defective/worn out bridge.  I ail have one tooth extracted this morning, bone grafted, and then have two teeth implanted over the next six months (allows time for healing etc.).  Not look forward to the extraction but...

The first extraction was pure hell.  I had just gotten out of the Air Force and had one year of "free" dental care.  The "free" dental care cost me thousands of dollars over the past 40 years.  The dentist was too lazy to do a root canal, so he pulled the tooth.  I should have refused it, but didn't have the sense to do it.  Over the years, the bridge has been replaced, etc. and the poor quality of work he did caused other tooth problems.  

Several years ago, a Dentist wanted to replace the bridge again (at a cost of about $4,500).  This was after I had it replaced several years ago at a similar cost.  I decided to wait (and hope it didn't suddenly start hurting).  I switched Dentist and the new Dentist recommended a tooth implant, which made sense.  The first quote was for $6500 +-, which is somewhat paid by dental insurance (but not much).  I delayed and finally decided to get another quote which was for about $3800 max, plus since I had delayed, I could use two years of dental insurance.  (The $3800 is for the implant oral surgeon only, not the two crowns and other items the regular Dentist has to do!)  Between insurance and my "cafeteria plan",  I can do it without a lot of cash outlay but still....  I'll be glad when it is over to say the least. Will be out of the office at least today, who knows how the pain medicine will affect me.  I will be glad to get it over.

Sometimes the no water/no food part is the worst of it.  Thank goodness I have an early appointment.

My poem today from The World Without End is Ending is "Urban Renewal".  Not quite sure why I wrote this, but at the time, I would walk with a friend through some of the more decayed parts of Oklahoma City.  

Occasionally we would see a house, freshly painted, with flowers, well maintained etc. as an oasis  among the dilapidated and abandoned houses.  I think that is the basis of this poem, especially the last part, where the house (and inhabitants) obviously remember a better time and are hoping for renewal and a return to the better days when the neighborhood was a place where you could actually live.

URBAN RENEWAL

 A dog of another color

Ambles over the red brick road

 Followed by

 A freckled boy

in tattered blue jeans

And shirt

Feet bare

 A rusted Ford

Resolving to run again

Waits on metal rims

 A faded blue pickup

Bares all

Amid broken glass and

Torn metal

 A broken down sofa

And matching chair

Highlight the

Tangle of weed-infested yards

 Amid the wasteland

Scaling paint, sunken roofs

And boarded windows

 A black and white

Silently observes

The vapor

Of the dream

 A bright white house

Red roses shining like torches

Wait

For the return

To glory

Summer 2013 September 3

75/76 degrees this morning.  Coolness in air.

Back to work after a 3 day holiday.  I enjoy the holiday, but I like going back to work also. Overall, a nice and relaxing weekend, with some unusual shopping involved as Aliene was shopping for clothes for the upcoming wedding of her Grandson.  Wasn't bad though, she is an efficient shopper.

Still listening to "The Willpower Instinct" (second time through).  I have a summary of it and also broke down and ordered the book.  I looked up one of the studies citied (Heath from Tulane University) and was surprised at some of the studies.  I realize it was the 50's but....  

One of the more thoughtful courses I ever took was at Oklahoma State University, a graduate level Sociology course.  The course emphasized the "ethics" of studies, that is if the impact of the study/testing etc. was negative for the participants and if it was "ethical" to even do the study or when to stop doing the study.  Oddly enough, while I"m sure it was apparent, I don't recall ever seeing the ethics of studies as one of the major factors in studies.  In a way, it also applies to animals also.  It is a difficult area to determine what is right and wrong.  It seems there are a lot of shades of gray, but maybe not.

I always enjoyed taking college courses, my last one was in "Technical Writing".  I enjoyed it and learned a lot, but that was my last formal course.  I study and read a lot and take seminars when possible, but that was my last formal college course.  I spent a lot of time on it.  Actually, I"m wrong, I did take an Accounting course (actually Accounting I and II over the period of an academic year) since then after I moved to Lakeland.  I enjoyed it since in Accounting, when you're done you're done!  

I don't know how much time I spend on deleting spam, but I'm really tired of it.  Of course, there is always the odd e-mail that I should get that goes into the spam folder.

Another poem from my collection "The World Without End is Ending".  Not saying it is good poetry, but I enjoyed it.

By way, the poem yesterday was based partially on my one visit to Idaho.  I was impressed by all the big lakes apparently made by glaciers.  I went swimming in them and also remember the hilly country.  I'm not sure what part of Idaho I was in.

I do remember watching a concert as the full moon arose in back of the singer, Emmy Lou Harris, then and now, a favorite singer.  

The poem below is a result (I'm not quite sure how) of my occupation.

CORNER OF MAIN AND BROADWAY

 I watch myself

A bright red fireplug

Upright and permanent

Corner of Main and Broadway

 Cars growl past

Exhausts spewing

Reminders of passing

Shoes pace

The concrete desert

To token destinatons

 Voices

Echoing an endless litany

Of 

Hello good-by, excuse me

Buy me, sell me

World without end

 Waiting for my moment of 

Glory

As I stand at attention

Corner of Main and Broadway

Summer 2013 September 2

78/81 degrees.  Clear when I got up, but rain is moving in. Some rain yesterday, also not forecast.  

Aliene bought another dress for Grandson's wedding yesterday, one she is happier with than the one she bought Saturday.

I thought I had my back helmet light fixed (which with my mechanical incompetence is a miracle in itself), but, lo and behold, this morning it wasn't working again.  (sigh!)  I have a back light on my bike, but it really isn't enough and the back light on my helmet is kind of a strobe light that can be seen, which is important when I am on a 27 lb bike with 3,000 lb vehicles whizzing past.

The last day of the three day weekend.  As normal, I'm not getting as much done as I hoped or expected, but after listening to "The Willpower Instinct", I now understand the reason I don't!  Understanding usually comes before action!

I heard a song this morning, I believe by Joan Baez, it is something about "the moment you know your life will never be the same".  In my words, "The World Without End is Ending", that moment when you know everything is changed and the life (whether you enjoyed it or not) that you had you can't return to.  It could be a new job, it could be a death or separation, or even a favorite show or magazine stopping.  I remember the time I really emotionally reacted to this concept was a novel about an occupied city in World War II and an older lady who was a spy was suddenly arrested.  Somehow, the words describing her sense of loss of her current world really had an impact on me.

I actually wrote a "chapbook" of poetry once entitled "The World Without End is Ending". It was written for a poetry class, with a wonderful instructor who said there was "never such a thing as a bad poem", it could always be fixed.

My digression into poetry always amazed me.  I never really read or appreciated poetry, although I loved to read almost everything else, since we didn't have a television when I was young and I read everything I could get my hands on.  

I was working near Oklahoma City and took some type of short term poetry class at OSU/at OKC for some reason.  It wasn't a regular course, but I loved the change from the daily routine and enjoyed the class.  I took the poetry writing class at the University of Central Oklahoma at Edmond and it was a regular 3 hour class.  I enjoyed it, but never got involved in writing poetry again.  

This will be a short week, today is a holiday and then I will be out for dental surgery (the first part of two teeth implants, with an "extraction" scheduled Thursday.  I have been delaying it for three years, probably lucky I haven't had any pain. 

I will include one of my poems from "The World Without End is Ending"

SEAS OF CHANGE

Where mountains

Rise from the smooth skin of earth

 Where glass eyed lakes

            form glittering images

 Where valleys wrinkle 

            the face of the earth

 There intrudes the symbols of childhood

A steel-eyed Indian, in harmony with nature

Lewis and Clark

          mapping the destruction to follow

 There, in the wilds of Idaho

 Calling me 

I dream of endless trees

A life without care

 Part of me lives

For the full moon rising

Over the mountains

Reflecting on the water

 Alone with my thoughts

Part of me wanders in

        a world without people

 And has reached the bottom

 Where I live in

            a sea of change without change