Winter 2014 February 25 Tuesday

37 degrees this morning.

Next phase of tooth implants (perhaps teeth implants, since there are two of themI) is this morning. I am currently in the dreaded time of "no water, no food", which basically makes me want to get the surgery over so I can eat and drink water!  I normally eat breakfast shortly after 6 a.m., so I am hungry!

The phase this morning is screwing the base teeth into my jaw.  The screws were put in my jaw  in September when the two teeth were ext rated and the bone transplant was done.  The bone transplant was the worst.  Of course, I associate the bone transplant with the devastating city elections etc. It seemed to give me a headache for several months.

Somehow I associate difficult times in my life the books by Khaled Hosseini.  When I was have surgery for skin cancer (including transplanting skin etc.I) I was reading "The Kite Runner" and associated with the realization that pain was part of life and perhaps a stage of life that we need to adjust to.  (Actually, the pain of skin cancer surgery isn't that bad, it is just the anticipation perhaps, or maybe like the grain of sand in your shoe.)  Anyway, somehow, reading The Kite Runner" during this process helped.  I never really got into his second book "A Thousand Splendid Suns", and then I read "And the Mountains Echoed" after my separation from employment, when I understood why I still didn't have time, even when it appeared all I should have was time, after at least 30 years of having very little leisure time.  Even three months later, I still haven't found time to read etc., like I expected, and my day is filled with activities that, at least appear, to seem to be important.  I found looking and preparing for employment is almost a full time job.  Many positions require extensive time answering detailed essay questions, multiple phone interviews etc. which take more time than you would think.

In addition to age, I found I am in an interesting situation.  Lakeland is around 13,000 population with 31 employees.  Most cities of 13,000 have around 150 to 200 employees (some many more, some many less) and most cities with 25-49 employees are in the range of 2500 to 5,000 population.   If I apply to a City of 10,000 to 19,000 the question is can I supervise that many personnel, if I apply to a city of 4,000, they ask why I want to go to a smaller city!  This isn' a major obstacle necessarily, but it is one I have to explain and I think it is a major factor in the selection process, depending on whom the other applicants are  When combined with my age,  it provides some interesting hurtles to get around.  I'm not really complaining about it, what is, is.  Like everything else, I need to be aware of the possible problems of these situations and the perception it may create.  

Perhaps I will write more later after the surgery, perhaps I will be sleeping and not get around to it!  However, normally I am ready for some strawberry shakes by "happy hour" (1/2 priced shakes and soft drinks) at Steak n Shake.  Since I have to eat soft foods for several days, it gives me the chance to indulge in my favorite food that I normally avoid!

Fall 2013 December 18 Wednesday

37 degrees this morning.  Felt warmer than that, maybe just used to the cold weather.

Another quote from "And the Mountain Echoed":  "That is what aging is, she thinks as she follows Isabelle into the store, those random unkind moments when you least expect them"  (This is a point when she looks into a store windows and realizes how old she looks).  Kind of like when I look in a mirror and wonder what my father is doing here. 

Another favorite quote of mine is also from a fiction book, I believe by Jeff Deaver (I'll have to check on that).  It is a point when a older woman who is a spy is caught.  She thinks to herself that this is the point that her life, which she enjoyed, will never be the same again.  I can think of several recent points like that.  (Including the "spy" angle, bur from the other side!).  Probably "moment" that you realize everything is changed and its will never be the same  hit Aliene worse then it did me.

I guess life is composed of moments like that, when a momental change is occurring and you may  or may not be aware of the gravity of it.  On the other hand, maybe life doesn't have enough of those moments, maybe that is why time passes and we suddenly realized the journey is going faster than we want or realize.  

Apple Store today.  Trying to get control of my e-mail, calendar and contacts (also reminders) while I can take a breath and do something with it.  When I look at my e-mail and see 29,000 e-mails I need to do something to get organized!  

Looks like it will be another beautiful day today, will be in the mid-fifities and sunny.  About as good as it gets this time of year.

Fall 2013 December 17 Tuesday

45 degrees this morning.  Lengthened my bicycle ride a little.

Reading "And the Mountains Echoed", as noted in the last post. 

I rarely have a quote leap out at me as if it was intended for me to read.  That one, really hit home.  Actually the entire book (except for the first part, which I still don't understand), is really speaking to me.

In one chapter, the narrator reviews (from an old age) his life.  What struck me was how the years can pass without any  real realization, even when major events come and go, the time still passes.  In the case of the narrator, he was an assistant (perhaps a servant?).  The years passed and he started as a young man and was old (self described) when the man he worked for died.  Even their relationship was fascinating to read about.

The quote described his feelings after the person he worked for died and he was (i guess you would say) "retired".  He inherited everything , so it appears he was not required to work.

It got me thinking, six years ago, I noted that "in ten years I will be 70".  Obvious, but there is still the journey, which is going to happen regardless of what I do.  I have been here for 12 years, my last job for 13 years (I left to take this job). That is 25 years that has passed in  a flash, yet, my Dad and Mom both passed away during that time, my 11 year old daughter became an adult, married and now has two granddaughters (the oldest of whom is now a teenager), I met and married Aliene, Aliene's mother, who was a lively alert person when I met Aliene, gradually failed and passed on,  Aliene's grandchildren grew from the small children at our wedding to adults etc.  

I'm not sure where this is all going, except this is a pivotable time of my life when any decision I make will reverberate for literally the rest of our lives.  So many times, the entire structure of our lives are based on chance, which I guess is obvious, but when it is happening it is not so obvious.

It will be very difficult to leave Lakeland if it comes to that.  Not the City itself, I expect the changes will destroy the true Lakeland that I love, but still it will be difficult to leave friends and routines we have grown accustomed to.

Christmas Eve is a week away.  Hopefully the weather has reverted to the "regular" weather type.  So far, the weather looks like it should be good.

Fall 2013 December 16 Monday

32 degrees this morning.  I thought it would be warmer, so I was a little surprised, but it is supposed to warn up later.

Sometimes there is a sense of unreality as another day starts.  Years of "making things happen" are suddenly changed to "waiting for something to happen", at least as far as major life changes go.  I can only go so far and then I have to wait for a decision by someone else.  However, meanwhile, I do have plenty to do, catching up on organizing etc.

I still have items from my Mother to review and it has been 16 years since she passed on.  However, that isn't a matter of procrastation as much as just having to face the emotion reaction I get from seeing my mother (and some degree my dad) from the perspective of them as young people full of dreams and knowing how it ended.   Somewhat of an "Our Town" reaction.  Not that  my Mother and Dad didn't have an enjoyable full life, but I don't think it is what the envisioned when they were in the 20's, 30's, 40's, or even 50's.  Of course, who am i to judge?  When I went to visit them after they retired in AZ, I always had a good conversation with them, perhaps until the old parent/child relationship returned.  I think it is seeing them age that bothers me as much as anything when I look at their papers from their youth.   Maybe it is best to not look at the papers, just give them to my brothers and sisters, but then I would miss knowing about a major part of my heritage.  Dilemmas in the middle of life.  

Reading Khaleo Hosseini  "And the Mountains Echoed".  At first i had a hard time getting into it and I almost quit, but now i am really into it.  I really enjoyed the  "Kite Runner", in fact it helped me get through skin cancer surgery, but i never did get into the second book at all and quit reading it.    

Because of time limitations, I have gotten a lot more selective in what I read (and watch or listen or whatever).  I have pretty much quit reading the "boiler plate" fiction and are basically the same plot.   I have too many "things to do" hanging over me to waste time reading something that isn't meaningful or even entertaining.  (I make an exception for Lee Child and Jack Reacher)

My Dad started reading light reading when he was in his (I believe) early fifties.  I discussed it with my Mom a little and both of us were puzzled, but we both figured if he enjoyed them, he deserved it.  He had worked hard and maybe found something that he enjoyed.  I owe my love of classical music to my Dad, one of my memories is him listening to "Music from the Masters" on WIBW redo on Sunday afternoons, and later his record collection.  

Oddly enough, I used to hate Country Music.  In fact, I joke (only partly) that the reason I moved to Oklahoma City (when I took the City Manager position at Harrah) was because the only radio station in town where I was played ply Country Music.  There was a restaurant next to City Hall called "Maggies Kitchen" and a cafe about a block away called "Country Kitchen".  I would take a break and get some coffee and they were always playing Country Music, so I gradually developed a liking for Country Music that developed into a deep appreciation for most Country Music.  Of course, I always liked fiddle music of any type, so maybe I just had to experience some Country Music to really enjoy it.  I remember going to a meeting (it was the last snow of the winter) and turned to a Country Music station and realized I really liked it.  I've liked it (for the most part) ever since.